People have been getting food to take home for hundreds of years. Whether they stabbed it, shot it, or called it in to their favorite restaurant. Today we pick it up and drive it home, instead of carry it away on our shoulder to the cave that we used to dine in. The human race has taken a shine to eating in the homes that they reside in. Thank you evolution.
Evolution has unfortunately not helped us all yet with gratuity. Ask your self , as a follower of mine, this question…. if you are married, or in some kind of a relationship that you are not bending another girl over a barrel and showing her the 50 states, or women… playing with your guys balloon knot and convincing him that he’s not gay, that when you get dinner made by these significant others…. do you trust them and thank them in some intimate way…. or in any way?
The absolute rule is you do not ever mess with someone that handles your food or drinks. Now DO NOT MISS UNDERSTAND ME HERE.. I have NEVER in my life ever messed with anybody’s food because of a tip or their shitty personality that makes me sad to look at them…except for that one rude guy that called in a pizza at 10:58 pm. and we closed at 11:00pm. I was 16 then and impressionable…. and tired. Sorry to that douche.
Here is what I do on tipping for to go food. If I call it in to a establishment then just pick it up…. 10% at the least. Cause really… what did that person do for me? Besides hand me the fucking bag. But they did take some time out of their day to help me and answer the phone before my droid died from angry birds, so 10% is good. Even when I go to Sonic to troll for high school girls, JK, I tip that hottie at least 10%… cause she probably didn’t cook it but she brought it to my car on skates and didn’t fall and bite the curb like in American History X. Job skills!
Now, if I come come and sit at your bar and take up space and your ear to order… then 15-25% More if you offer me a soda while I wait, but don’t ask me if I would like a soda while I wait… and then charge me $2.69 for a diet coke. When the fuck did the price of soda mirror the rise of gold and silver? Does that diet coke have panda semen in it? Maybe i’m getting old but I remember a day not too long ago that a soda costing NOTHING…because it was a great distraction to a guest while they waited for their take out food. So if you get charged for soda at all…. I say 10% tip. Unless of course you can talk the bartender into putting Franklin and Bash on a TV near you with CC, then you can just lose time.
Now your tip should reflect not only the service but how they leave you equipped. You may not know until you get home. DUMMY! How many times have you gone through a drive-through for fast food ( no names) and got home felling like you just got fucked like Joe Pesci. Always check your bag for the correct utensils and condiments that you require and asked for. There is no shame in saying “Can I get a extra side of ranch?” That shit is like crack or gold at some places. Some people mainline the blue cheese from Coach’s strait into the vein.
But seriously, I get take out enough to know if you don’t tip the person handling the food… then I might not want to go back. Rephrase… shouldn’t go back. Every review that I have done to date on to go food has a lot to do with the service. Sometimes the great service is KEY and sometimes it’s like I just asked Jessica Simpson to spell something like “THE”. And I get a blank look from the staff….which I am used to. I have had great service before and tipped over 20%, then got home and the food was so fucking bad that my ass jumped the gun and pooped as a preemptive strike. I have also been 3 sheets to the wind, drunk out of my fucking mind, got to go food, and tipped on my whole tab 40%. $75.00 booze- $14.00 to go food for the way home…and I remembered every delicious , palate pleasuring, God realizing, made me want to be a better person, forced ejaculating bite. One great example… the scallops appetizer from Carmen’s Cafe. That app. made me want to add Casey Anthony as a facebook friend, follow her for two days or so, and then miss place her. But… that review is for next month.
Just be sure to tip.
No plastic forks… not a review.
You crack me up! Glad you started writing these reviews again. =)