I have always thought of Red Lobster as the Aldi or Walmart of seafood restaurants. Poor man’s sea food…literally. They don’t serve the expensive and palate pleasing fish like monk fish, mako shark, or chilian sea bass like restaurants such as the Bristol or Capitol Grill. They give you the options that most average places do that like salmon, tilapia, and grouper. However they do come through big time with quality, portions, value,….and they give a shit. Which is hard to find these days with a hard eared dollar.
I never call in an order to Red Lobster because… 1. I like to decide there( the menu is vast). 2. I like to see the bartenders make 1000 frozen drinks, wait on people who don’t tip or have them transfer their tab to a table. Then I thank GOD that I work where I do. By the way, these bartenders at Red Lobster are the hardest working and under appreciated MFer’s in the business. I came in on the Sunday before Valentine’s Day and it was busier than the free clinic after a NASCAR event was in town. It was a very diverse crowd too. I had to wait 20 min. just to find a seat at the bar to order take-out. I didn’t really want to squeeze in between two people with marinara covered fingers and HUGE glasses full of strawberry something to say ” can I place a to-go order?”. I’ll just wait it out. Trying to get a seat at this bar on that Sunday was tough, I felt like a midget at a urinal… I had to keep on my toes and be ready.
So I finally took my seat and placed my order. I ordered the New England sampler, which is my favorite appetizer on the menu. 4 bacon wrapped scallops, fried clams, and 4 lobster stuffed mushrooms…. mind-blowing. It tasted so good I wanted to put my dick in it. I also got the wood grilled lobster, shrimp, and scallops that comes with two sides and a salad. I asked for broccoli, a baked potato, and a salad with blue cheese. Once again….very good food. Try to remember, for you new readers, that if I’m dining out at a restaurant I would be having a bottle of something that ends in Rothschild and eating on a white table-cloth not at Red Lobster. But for take-out, they do it right. The lobster tail was cooked perfectly and came with plenty of melted butter. The scallops were seasoned well and melted in my mouth much like my skewered shrimp did. And do we even need to go over the cheddar biscuits?? Don’t they go without saying? NO! They are always great. Eating one of those…. the felling is euphoric, like free basing bacon. There are only three things that are so good that no one else can ever recreate them but the original. 1. The Coke-a-cola at any McDonald’s. It tastes better than Coke that you could get anywhere else. 2. The BJ’s from the last girl I drove away, and 3. The cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster. My mom, three years ago told me that she had got the recipe for these little nuggets of joy and would be recreating the masterpiece on Thanksgiving. Worst family holiday dinner ever. Don’t get me wrong… they were good, but not the same at all. It had all the hype of getting a scratch off lotto gift from a dick of a friend, just to scratch it off to see you won $5000.00. Then you find out it’s a fake. I wanted to kick my mom in the uterine area. I was so disappointed that the turkey and everything else seemed mundane and shitty too. Sorry mom for the verbal onslaught of vulgarity that my brother and I subjected you to that day. And thus she never tried that recipe again. Good. Even the Bristol has tried to make them…. crash and burn mavrick, but they do have a good brunch. Back on track, my salad way good too. However the salad could have been a little bigger or put in a bigger box. It’s really hard to dress your salad when it’s in a box the size of your wallet.
Much like Hooters’ the bartenders here will go through your order with you when it arrives and after you and the bartender check it they will have you sign off on it. He/she will hand you their copy of your check for your signature to verify that you agree that your order is correct. This is genius because it is a preemptive strike to keep people from going home and making up a story that they are missing an item or two. Red Lobster puts the accountability back on the consumer, and I respect that. Seafood ain’t cheap.
So, great value and seafood in the immediate area for to-go food. Whatever you order you win. And not just because of the cheddar biscuits. My order was around $30.00 and tipped 20% for the outstanding service.
Red Lobster in Overland Park, KS. 4.5 out of 5.
Funny stuff dude!!